I would just like to say I am...

Agnostic

Thank you
Good night

What exactly does Jesus do?

So you run into this problem if you step outside of Adventist/Christian circles. You discover people from all backgrounds who are really moral, kind, nice, giving, noble and in fact seem better than a lot of Adventists/Christians that you know.
(I say Adventist/Christian because some Adventist tend to think of even other Christians as bit less holy)

I do not intended to write about how we are just sooooo judgemental about those not like ourselves. Instead I want to look at the questions that the existence of good Non-Adventist/Non-Christian people raises in regards to the role of Jesus.

So.... "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." So does my Muslim friend who embodies all of these qualities has the Holy Spirit? No? Some Christians would agree, others not so much.

Lets say she is given the opportunity to accept Christ, and instead remains loyal to Islam? Do all her Spirit filled qualities fade away? If she retains those qualities, after rejecting Christ, what does that mean? I have a number of former SDA friends who are non-believers now, and yet still continue to be moral people. Is their separation from God eventually going to transform them into violent, drunken, wanton criminals. (I am looking at you Brian ;)

Are good people who are not Adventist/Christian just relying on their own goodness, their own works? If they experienced the grace of God would they be transformed to a whole new level?

Now let's take a look at people who have accepted Christ. I know some Christians who are missing a few qualities such as "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." In fact some would lean more towards being violent, drunken, wanton criminals. They accepted Christ, so why didn't he work his magic in their lives? Why didn't he transform them? If Jesus were some kind of magic wand then anyone who accepted him would be transformed. However, many who accept him are never transformed, and many who never accept him are.

Some Christians would argue that such people are saved, not matter what they do because of that acceptance of Christ. Others (hint hint SDAs) would say that by their un-Christlike behavior they are actually rejecting Christ and will loose their salvation unless they repent, daily, or even hourly/minutely. (side note: I tried this hourly repenting thing and it is a terrible way for a perfectionist/depressive person to live. Constantly reminding myself how I failed to live up to Christ's holy standard only made me paralyzed)

What I am really trying to nail down here is why I need Jesus. A good many people seem to think I do, but I really don't see what he is going to do for me.
I know I need love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. But I believe that being shown and practicing these things is what transforms me. I don't think they are the result of some magical bean sprouting inside my heart. I think Christians who are transformed for the better, are transformed because they are in community with others who practice the "fruits of the spirit" and they themselves practice as well. They give all the credit to God, but it is themselves and their community who deserve the credit.

If I choose to continue to call myself a Christian, it will be because I am practicing in the way of Jesus, and I have faith that the example he set can transform.

Now I know some might ask, where love, joy peace and such come from if not from God. To be honest, I don't know. Maybe they are the positive fruits of human evolution (Not to downplay the many negative fruits) and if they are then I choose to practice them because I can tangibly see how they benefit my life and the lives of those around me.

Another possibility I see is that there is something people call God/Jesus, which runs through the fabric of the universe and is the source of love. Mind you I have issues with a being who would allow all the suffering here on earth. However, if this is true, I think God allows all people to practice and be transformed by love and wouldn't expect them to wave some superstitious Jesus wand over their heads before they could be "saved"

I'm glad to be blogging again. Stay tuned for more.

No more fight left in me.

What I really wanted was a fight. That is one reason why I stopped writing this blog and why I locked it. I realized I was trying to pick a fight. I was hoping someone would challenge me with the same false arguments I have heard before, and that I would be able to rip them to pieces. I had a lot of bitterness towards the way I was brought up to believe. I wanted to win a fight with the people who still believed that way. Why? So I could feel better about myself. So I could feel right? Who knows. But as much as I honestly tried to explore my spiritual questions and ideas there was a part of me longing to pick a fight. I had a lot of good motives for this blog. It opened up really honest conversations between me and a lot of people. It gave me a chance to put down what I had been thinking. It let me know that even people with different views than me are still loving and interesting in learning and growing together, but still, some where in my heart, I had the fantasy of intellectually ripping apart some fundamentalist SDA commentor.

Yet, when I was presented with some pretty easily ripped apart arguments, I found I didn't have the will to be nasty, or even break the arguments apart. I didn't have the energy for a theological tit for tat. I knew my problems with their arugments but I didn't feel like trying to prove them wrong. When faced with the opportunity for a fight, all the fight left me.

Also I have discovered that some people are endowed with invincible ignorance. Like a certain person who told me that they "love' Muslims but they can't argree with their religion because the Qur'an has all that "violence" in it. When I tried point out that the Bible has it's fair share of God endorsed violence it was like talking to a brick wall. 1+1 does not equal two in their world. They were content to believe what they believed. This person didn't even bother with a counter argument.
Why throw myself up against that brick wall. You can't get people to think if they don't want to.

Lately though I have been missing blogging. I really have needed to sort out all thoughts that have been flying around my head. So I am going to restart with blog with new intentions. I am going to use it go put my thoughts down and explore ideas. I'll try to avoid putting forth arguments inteneded to provoke a fight. I am not saying I won't write controversial stuff. There is lots of controversial stuff I am still wrestling with. I am saying that I won't put forth ideas with the intent to provoke a fight.

I have gained a lot more from the honest and loving conversations I have had with people after all. I hope those kinds of conversations will continue.

Poem 3

I am not entirely happy with all the stanzas of this poem, I am not even going to include the last three stanzas in this post. If you want them you must dig up the 1999 issues of the Legacy.(SAU's poetry journal)

JESUS IN A BOTTLE

"Taste and see that the Lord is good!"
Buy him in a six pack now
Or place a little offering in the vending machine
Push the little red button and WOW!

Drink him up and drink him down
Feel the Spiritual Caffeine
You'll buzz with Jesus for an hour or so
Get a rush from the Nazarene

Talk to your pastor, talk to your priest
They might be holding a sale
Discount coupons given out
Free Samples in the mail

Some claim our soda is a fake
That our sellers are not sainted
They say Jesus Christ was crucified
But never carbonated.


The poem goes on from here, but not in a good way.

Poem 2

Here is the second poem in my series of religious/spiritual type poems...the bulk of this was written during some religion class in college.





Come, we'll go and see the preacher
Standing on the ocean shore

See him back into the water
Now we'll hear him nevermore

See the bubble of his breathing from the waters underneath
Hear the gurgle of his screaming as he sinks into the deep

Shortly sharks will go to meet him
Watch them move in for the kill

Gentle jaws have gone to greet him
Red and righteous blood to spill

Poetry Slam!!!!

For lack of a better idea I am going to start publishing some of the quasi religious poetry I have written in the past. Some of these pieces are several years old. Today's poem only works if you think about it actually being handwritten, which it was, sometime during college.



I crucify self upon this page

Wooden cross pulp the paper made

I've driven pens through my hands

For Ink

To write red words

and save my sinful poetry

Don't cry for me Adventistas!

Maybe things would have been different if my church schools had been more willing to address real spiritual questions, rather than trying to keep me and my classmates from sex, drugs and rock n roll. I wasn't really interested in drugs anyways, was to shy to get a boyfriend, and I liked Musicals!

I remember one teacher asking us to write down the lyrics from our favorite song and bring it in. I thinking she was hoping to point out how ungodly our taste in Rock n Roll was. I must have confused her when I brought in the lyrics to "Don't cry for me Argentina"

I don't recall any place were there was real opportunity to dialogue about doubt. Sabbath School was only for believers, so my doubts just festered in silence and grew.

I still don't use drugs, I waited till marriage, and I like indie folk music.

Chalk one up for Adventist Education.

Oh wait, did I mention I am thinking of converting to Buddhism?