Fearless Wonder

I am not entirely happy with all the stanzas of this poem, I am not even going to include the last three stanzas in this post. If you want them you must dig up the 1999 issues of the Legacy.(SAU's poetry journal) JESUS IN A BOTTLE "Taste and see that the Lord is good!" Buy him in a six pack now Or place a little offering in the vending machine Push the little red button and WOW! Drink him up and drink him down Feel the Spiritual Caffeine You'll buzz with Jesus for an hour or so Get a rush from the Nazarene Talk to your pastor, talk to your priest They might be holding a sale Discount coupons given out Free Samples in the mail Some claim our soda is a fake That our sellers are not sainted They say Jesus Christ was crucified But never carbonated. The poem goes on from here, but not in a good way.

Here is the second poem in my series of religious/spiritual type poems...the bulk of this was written during some religion class in college. Come, we'll go and see the preacher Standing on the ocean shore See him back into the water Now we'll hear him nevermore See the bubble of his breathing from the waters underneath Hear the gurgle of his screaming as he sinks into the deep Shortly sharks will go to meet him Watch them move in for the kill Gentle jaws have gone to greet him Red and righteous blood to spill

For lack of a better idea I am going to start publishing some of the quasi religious poetry I have written in the past. Some of these pieces are several years old. Today's poem only works if you think about it actually being handwritten, which it was, sometime during college. I crucify self upon this page Wooden cross pulp the paper made I've driven pens through my hands For Ink To write red words and save my sinful poetry

Maybe things would have been different if my church schools had been more willing to address real spiritual questions, rather than trying to keep me and my classmates from sex, drugs and rock n roll. I wasn't really interested in drugs anyways, was to shy to get a boyfriend, and I liked Musicals! I remember one teacher asking us to write down the lyrics from our favorite song and bring it in. I thinking she was hoping to point out how ungodly our taste in Rock n Roll was. I must have confused her when I brought in the lyrics to "Don't cry for me Argentina" I don't recall any place were there was real opportunity to dialogue about doubt. Sabbath School was only for believers, so my doubts just festered in silence and grew. I still don't use drugs, I waited till marriage, and I like indie folk music. Chalk one up for Adventist Education. Oh wait, did I mention I am thinking of converting to Buddhism?

This is a follow-up to my previous blog post. Looking back maybe I shouldn't have added the second question. It is important to me but the first question, is what I am really interested in. What did this girl do that she needs to be forgiven of? If Christ died for our sins, what sins did this girl commit? I can accept that Christ died to heal our broken nature, but when it comes to forgiving our sins, I have trouble. I think there are a whole lot of people who are victims of this world and haven't had much choice when it comes to their "sinful" actions. If a child is born blind you don't say that the child is a sinner because of blindness. Mistakes they make due to being blind, you don't count against them. Hopefully you work with them to give them skills to cope in a sighted world. I have a big problem with this idea that we are sinners condemned to die because of our crimes, and that Christ pardons us. If we are going to use a court room analogy I ...

Imagine a girl born into an abusive, poverty stricken home. She is sold by her parents for money and put to work in the sex trade. Before they can put her to work she is beaten, drugged and repeatedly raped to get her desensitized. Then she is put to work servicing 20 or more men a day. Finally she gets up the courage to escape, but is caught by her captors, beaten and killed. What did this girl do that she needs to be forgiven of? What do you think will happen to this girl when she dies? By the way the girl I described above is not imaginary. "Each year an estimated 800,000- 900,000 human beings are bought, sold, or forced across the world's borders (2003 U.S. State Department estimate). Among them are hundreds of thousands of teenage girls, and others as young as 5, who fall victim to the sex trade. There's a special evil in the abuse and exploitation of the most innocent and vulnerable. The victims of the sex trade see little of life before they see the very worst ...

I made the mistake of drinking sweet tea. It doesn't have as strong an effect on me as most coffee does, but it's enough to keep me up thinking, which might or might now be a bad thing. Here are some revelations, probably only for me, It's okay to realize you are not doing all you can to love people. It encourages you to look for new ways to help. It keeps you from becoming self satisfied and lazy. It is not okay to beat yourself up and make yourself miserable because you are not doing all you can for others. When Will and I were starting ESL we asked the woman introducing us if the amount we committed too would be enough. The lady said "How much is enough?" or "Can there ever be enough"... something like that. You have to be at peace with the fact that you can never do enough. This is a tension I am learning to live with. Pushing myself to love more, while not hating myself for the little I do love. It is also okay to realize you are not per...