Fearlessness

I'm acting more like a Fearless Wonder these days. It shows in little things, like talking to people on the elevator at my building, and in big things like getting my ESL student connected with a caseworker, and going out alone to do the tutoring.
The phrase "moving beyond fear" is more appropriate than fearless. Of course I still get the jitters about things. I just choose not to let the jitters rule my actions. My fearlessness, or move beyond fear has really been the result of a new embrace of reality. When I was controlled by my fears, I was always trying to manipulate reality, by avoiding the hard stuff, by zoning out, by escapism, by not seeking challenges. But in all my avoiding of fear I wasn't getting happier or more peaceful. At some point I realized I had to accept reality and face it. I also had to learn to trust in myself to meet its challenges.

I find reality, life as it is, so joyful when I am not trying to control it. We spend so much time worrying about what might happen, and thinking up ways to avoid what might happen, that we fail to see the beauty around us. I know I did, so much so that even many of my memories are about past worries rather than actual events.

My meditation practice has become more joyful even. Anyone who meditates can tell you that your mind will run away down the path of worry, fantasy, and internal debate faster than you can count. This is very natural in meditation, and bringing your mind back to the breath can be a challenge. I've spent a lot of meditation sittings worrying about not only my life, but if I was meditating correctly. Recently I've had a bit of a break through. I've been able to really take to heart the phrase "Dwelling in this present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment." by TNH. Instead of worrying about trying to get the meditation right after the mind wanders, I've simply embraced the joy of the present moment, the joy of reality.

I want to continue to move beyond fear, but I also know the danger of getting attached to fearlessness. So when I'm not feeling or acting fearless I've also learned to not beat myself up. In the past I would get so angry with myself for my perceived "cowardice" Instead of getting attached to the ideas that I HAVE TO BE fearless, I simply recognize my fear, treat it with loving kindness, and guess what? It vanishes so much faster than if I'd beat myself up for it.

"Breathing in I calm my spirit.

Breathing out I smile.

Dwelling in this Present Moment.

I know this is a wonderful moment."

Thich Nhat Han

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Eating SDA Style

(This is an essay I wrote for part of a Cultural Memoir Assignment) One former Adventist friend of mine always says, “It was the table that fed me” in referring to our shared Seventh-day Adventist background. My friend was referring to the morals, values and spirituality of Seventh-day Adventism that we still hold onto, even though we disagree with the Church in many ways. I, however, can’t help but think of feeding in the literal sense. Seventh-day Adventism did truely feed us, but in very unusual ways. Seventh-day Adventists have something they refer to as the “Health Message.” Just like the Mormons we have our very own prophet, only she was a woman and not a polygamist. Ellen White encouraged healthy living and vegetarianism in the Seventh-day Adventist church. In many ways this has been a blessing to the church. Adventists who follow the health message are some of the longest living folks in the nation. On the other hand it has brought a spirit of legalistic infighting ove
Read more

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire

On June 15 I got a letter in the mail stating that my name had officially been removed from the membership rolls of the Seventh-Day Adventist church per my request. It was a nice form letter, very respectful of my choice, and I give the church kudos for it. So, just a few short days latter the General Conference of Seventh-Day Adventists rolled into my town, and so did many friends and family members, some from ages past. Of course I had to go to the GC. You don't often get the chance to catch up with so many people from various stages of your life. That part was wonderful. The exhibit hall was wonderful too, with lots of color and sound and pretty display booths, many which were promoting amazing things like health outreach, ministry to the poor (Go ADRA!!) and general "light unto the world" kind of stuff. I went to the first weekend's Sabbath service with a family member who was staying with us. The Sabbath School was fairly uplifting and it reminded us to re
Read more

Dogs Become Street Stoics

I had a bizarre dream last night in which the phrase "Dogs become street stoics" appeared. Seems prophetic, no? Okay, so I really have no idea what that phrase means. I doubt it means much at all, just random brain twitching during sleep. Another part of my dream did have some events worth considering. Often the issues I am wrestling with, or have wrestled with appear in my dreams. I have dreams about high school insecurity, job fears, friendship and family issues. I still dream about massive fights with my mother even though we haven't really fought for several years. One common dream I was having was the "heaven/salvation" dream in which the end times were upon me and I managed to get saved. I was never "lost" in any of my end time dreams. It should be noted that I have a great deal of will power when it comes to dreaming. I rarely have nightmares, and when something bad does happen in my dreams I can usually work my way out of it. Often i
Read more