No more fight left in me.

What I really wanted was a fight. That is one reason why I stopped writing this blog and why I locked it. I realized I was trying to pick a fight. I was hoping someone would challenge me with the same false arguments I have heard before, and that I would be able to rip them to pieces. I had a lot of bitterness towards the way I was brought up to believe. I wanted to win a fight with the people who still believed that way. Why? So I could feel better about myself. So I could feel right? Who knows. But as much as I honestly tried to explore my spiritual questions and ideas there was a part of me longing to pick a fight. I had a lot of good motives for this blog. It opened up really honest conversations between me and a lot of people. It gave me a chance to put down what I had been thinking. It let me know that even people with different views than me are still loving and interesting in learning and growing together, but still, some where in my heart, I had the fantasy of intellectually ripping apart some fundamentalist SDA commentor.

Yet, when I was presented with some pretty easily ripped apart arguments, I found I didn't have the will to be nasty, or even break the arguments apart. I didn't have the energy for a theological tit for tat. I knew my problems with their arugments but I didn't feel like trying to prove them wrong. When faced with the opportunity for a fight, all the fight left me.

Also I have discovered that some people are endowed with invincible ignorance. Like a certain person who told me that they "love' Muslims but they can't argree with their religion because the Qur'an has all that "violence" in it. When I tried point out that the Bible has it's fair share of God endorsed violence it was like talking to a brick wall. 1+1 does not equal two in their world. They were content to believe what they believed. This person didn't even bother with a counter argument.
Why throw myself up against that brick wall. You can't get people to think if they don't want to.

Lately though I have been missing blogging. I really have needed to sort out all thoughts that have been flying around my head. So I am going to restart with blog with new intentions. I am going to use it go put my thoughts down and explore ideas. I'll try to avoid putting forth arguments inteneded to provoke a fight. I am not saying I won't write controversial stuff. There is lots of controversial stuff I am still wrestling with. I am saying that I won't put forth ideas with the intent to provoke a fight.

I have gained a lot more from the honest and loving conversations I have had with people after all. I hope those kinds of conversations will continue.

Comments

Stephen said…
I'm looking forward to reading future posts and the conversations sure to develop. Glad you've started this back up.
May 17, 2009 at 12:00 PM
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