No more fight left in me.

What I really wanted was a fight. That is one reason why I stopped writing this blog and why I locked it. I realized I was trying to pick a fight. I was hoping someone would challenge me with the same false arguments I have heard before, and that I would be able to rip them to pieces. I had a lot of bitterness towards the way I was brought up to believe. I wanted to win a fight with the people who still believed that way. Why? So I could feel better about myself. So I could feel right? Who knows. But as much as I honestly tried to explore my spiritual questions and ideas there was a part of me longing to pick a fight. I had a lot of good motives for this blog. It opened up really honest conversations between me and a lot of people. It gave me a chance to put down what I had been thinking. It let me know that even people with different views than me are still loving and interesting in learning and growing together, but still, some where in my heart, I had the fantasy of intellectually ripping apart some fundamentalist SDA commentor.

Yet, when I was presented with some pretty easily ripped apart arguments, I found I didn't have the will to be nasty, or even break the arguments apart. I didn't have the energy for a theological tit for tat. I knew my problems with their arugments but I didn't feel like trying to prove them wrong. When faced with the opportunity for a fight, all the fight left me.

Also I have discovered that some people are endowed with invincible ignorance. Like a certain person who told me that they "love' Muslims but they can't argree with their religion because the Qur'an has all that "violence" in it. When I tried point out that the Bible has it's fair share of God endorsed violence it was like talking to a brick wall. 1+1 does not equal two in their world. They were content to believe what they believed. This person didn't even bother with a counter argument.
Why throw myself up against that brick wall. You can't get people to think if they don't want to.

Lately though I have been missing blogging. I really have needed to sort out all thoughts that have been flying around my head. So I am going to restart with blog with new intentions. I am going to use it go put my thoughts down and explore ideas. I'll try to avoid putting forth arguments inteneded to provoke a fight. I am not saying I won't write controversial stuff. There is lots of controversial stuff I am still wrestling with. I am saying that I won't put forth ideas with the intent to provoke a fight.

I have gained a lot more from the honest and loving conversations I have had with people after all. I hope those kinds of conversations will continue.

Comments

Stephen said…
I'm looking forward to reading future posts and the conversations sure to develop. Glad you've started this back up.
May 17, 2009 at 12:00 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Eating SDA Style

(This is an essay I wrote for part of a Cultural Memoir Assignment) One former Adventist friend of mine always says, “It was the table that fed me” in referring to our shared Seventh-day Adventist background. My friend was referring to the morals, values and spirituality of Seventh-day Adventism that we still hold onto, even though we disagree with the Church in many ways. I, however, can’t help but think of feeding in the literal sense. Seventh-day Adventism did truely feed us, but in very unusual ways. Seventh-day Adventists have something they refer to as the “Health Message.” Just like the Mormons we have our very own prophet, only she was a woman and not a polygamist. Ellen White encouraged healthy living and vegetarianism in the Seventh-day Adventist church. In many ways this has been a blessing to the church. Adventists who follow the health message are some of the longest living folks in the nation. On the other hand it has brought a spirit of legalistic infighting ove...
Read more

Penguins and the Big Bang

I have become a neophyte science geek. When I started my journey away from Adventism I didn't realize I would become a nerd. Initially all my thinking was wrapped up around moral and spiritual questions. As I became more comfortable in my own semi-buddhist agnostic skin an unintended side-effect took place. I blame it on The March of the Penguins. I saw this movie with my Kindergarteners. Without my creationist goggles on I really started to marvel at how the penguins came to be. I researched penguins for quite awhile afterwards. Then I started researching amphibians for a thematic unit. I must have watched this video of the Surinam Toad over and over again. Sooo gross but soooo cool! Next I blame auto-tune. For some reason I was watching videos that had been auto-tuned and I came across this one with Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking. Funny but strangely moving. Then i started reading about the vastness of space and the galaxies and the big bang. Radio Lab has b...
Read more

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire

On June 15 I got a letter in the mail stating that my name had officially been removed from the membership rolls of the Seventh-Day Adventist church per my request. It was a nice form letter, very respectful of my choice, and I give the church kudos for it. So, just a few short days latter the General Conference of Seventh-Day Adventists rolled into my town, and so did many friends and family members, some from ages past. Of course I had to go to the GC. You don't often get the chance to catch up with so many people from various stages of your life. That part was wonderful. The exhibit hall was wonderful too, with lots of color and sound and pretty display booths, many which were promoting amazing things like health outreach, ministry to the poor (Go ADRA!!) and general "light unto the world" kind of stuff. I went to the first weekend's Sabbath service with a family member who was staying with us. The Sabbath School was fairly uplifting and it reminded us to re...
Read more