The Narrative of Loss

Someone who I admire died recently, leaving behind a young family and a gaping hole in their community. This person helped me and many others even though they didn't have too. In some cases they were helping people because they were trying to fix wrongs that they did not commit, but had inherited. This person could have said, "That's not my problem. That happened before my time." but they didn't. They truly lived their beliefs in the best possible way. The funeral was the saddest I had ever been to, but at the same time I was inspired to live more fully.

But the story isn't supposed to end this way.

This was an Adventist funeral. The preacher spoke of "our hope in Jesus."

This person who died and who I so admire had once sent me a CD to try and persuade me of Jesus and discourage my interest in Buddhism. I was and am truly grateful for their care for my soul.

This story is supposed to end up with me coming back to Jesus as a testimony to his power in this person's life and of the power of God to bring beauty from ashes.

I am supposed to write a letter to the family to let them know that I was saved because of the one they lost.

But the CD still remains full of weak arguments...
and the pastor who spoke at the funeral happened to be the same one who once painted a picture of God that I knew I could never believe in.

It is a human tendency to draw the events of life into a narrative about ourselves. But I am nothing in the face of the this terrible loss. It seems cheap, or strange or cruel to say these events were woven together to form my salvation story. There is a great, huge, gaping hole in a family and a community. How can anything make up for that? In time the comfort of friends and family and the beauties of life will heal the wound, but nothing can replace what has been lost.

Yet, I am glad the family can find comfort in the narrative of Jesus and the second coming.
I am also glad that this person who died, and many others were shaped so positively by the narrative of Jesus.
I don't want our experiences to stand at war with each other. I want to honor what was good, worthy and true about this person's life.

Can I honor this person fully without sharing their narrative?

Comments

h2ovapor said…
Ann, I understand what you're saying. I don't have much time to say more because I'm packing tonight for a trip home for my youngest cousin's funeral.

For some, the memories are all there is to hang on to & for others, added to that is a hope of seeing that person again. Either way, the loss is painful & one still has to experience all the stages of grief.
October 31, 2009 at 8:27 PM
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