Fearless Wonder

Just finished listening to Ajahn Brahm again. I really like this guy. He sort of set my priorities straight. I have been pretty fixated on the wrong beliefs of Adventists lately. He really made me realize I need my beliefs to be focused on love, peace, compassion and wisdom and other beliefs (or in my case Anti-beliefs) need to take a second tier. He told a really good story involving a duck or possibly a chicken which explained it all. =) Listen yourself to hear the rest of the story.

The God of the Bible is like a parent of mentally and physically deformed child(SIN NATURE) , who leaves the child in a dirty mental asylum for orphans(EARTH AFTER THE FALL). He tells the child, "I love you but I am going to leave you here. I'll come again to get you when you are old, but only if you keep trusting me. Now you have to spread this Good News to all the other children because they are mine and I am coming to get them too." Except, the children he tells to spread the good news are so mentally ill they can barely feed themselves, let alone spread the Good News to the children God never bothered to speak to. While the children are in the asylum, God doesn't totally abandon them. He writes them letters. Letter that tell them how to live life in the interim. But the letters are sent by way of the Asylum director, who has to translate the letters because they are written in an ancient language that the children can't read. The letters are full of contr...

My Hubby recently introduced me to Speaking of Faith a radio program by American Public Media (yeah for Public Radio!) I really like the interviewer, Krista Tippett. A lot of interviewers tend to attack people of faith or ask really clueless questions (ala Terry Gross) or just touch on the hot button issues, but Krista asks questions that are more meaningful and allow the interviewee to really share from their experience. I have listened to The New Monastics and The Buddha in the World (Check out the humerous picture on the website) and both episodes are really good. Enjoy!

I haven't read the Bible for a while now. Now I know some people might say that is my downfall, that if I had just kept reading the Bible I would still be a faithful Christian now. I don't doubt it. I would probably still be a Christian in some sense of the word, more so than I am now anyways. But I wonder, would it just be because I continued to reinforce my childhood conditioning. This may seem unjust, but if I kept up the practices (prayer/Bible reading) and pushed aside doubt when it arose, couldn't I just be brainwashing myself day in and day out. I will probably pick up the Bible again. I do need to know what it has to say, but I need to see it with fresh eyes. I did take a lot of joy from the Bible once. I found so much that was hopeful, joyfull and wonderful. I also found much to torture myself with. I have always had a bit of a guilt complex, and really only since stepping away from the Bible have I gained some rational sense of my own guilt. I don't pl...

Another good dharma talk from this guy. I like the sedate pace of his dharma talks because I don't feel I am being emotionally manipulated. I can just listen and consider. Some of the preachers I used to listen to at TBN got so hyped up that they stopped actually saying anything and were just relying on raw energy to motivate the crowds. That is why I was probably most drawn to Joyce Meyer on TBN because of her straight forward and practical way of speaking. No Paula White style fits of ecstasy there. I think overly emotional and charasmatic presentations get people to focus on the the teacher rather than the message.

Here is a post I started awhile a couple months ago and just now finished...thought it might explain my predicament more fully. Do you have to be an intellectual person to be saved? The more I read and learn about spirituality the more complicated it seems. The answers which I once believed seem foolish and childish. Some would say that we need to be "fools" for Christ. That it is better to accept things like a child. Plenty of people are willing to do this. They hold onto beliefs that seem to contradict modern thought and knowledge. Some have looked into modern thinking and keep holding onto their beliefs. Some refuse to even acknowledge that there is another way then what they already believe. Some are simply so immersed in their culture of belief that they are not aware of any other way. Here is where I see the big problem. These people who, for what ever reason, hold onto to these "foolish" beliefs don't all believe the same thing. They are people...

Today's Sabbath School class was taught by the ever effervescent LeClaire Litchfeild...also known as "Litch" We talked about the differences between Joy and Happiness (a subject also discussed in the C.S. Lewis book Surprised by Joy ) Well with Litch's charming personality, the goodwill that is normally at hand in that Sabbath school class, and the positive and moving subject matter, I could not help but feel a tugging at the heart strings. I felt moved to abandon my skepticism and doubts and to throw myself at the feet of Jesus, so that I might experience that joy which transcends circumstance. And indeed if the Gospel according to Litch was all there was I would simply and happily convert myself back to a full fledged SDA... But then... Is Litch joyful because he has discovered God, or is Litch joyful because he has discovered joy, using Christianity as a vehicle. Does one have to be a Christian to experience Joy in it's fullest.

I recently watched the documentary " The Most Hated Family in America " by the Amazing Louis Theroux. (He has many more documentaries available to watch on Google Video-Watch them!) The views of the Phelps family are deplorable to most people, yet some of their behaviors remind me of "saner" groups of Christians. They seemed unable to recognize their own cherry picking of scriptures to support their beliefs. They stayed within their own insular group and kept "outsiders" at bay. The felt getting the TRUTH out was more important that respecting others as people. There were a few other things that seemed creepily familiar to me but I will have to watch the documentary again to remember. My main thoughts though were worry for the brainwashed children of this cult...except that they seemed happy and secure in their delusions, not insecure and miserable like I am with my little slices of truth. At the same time I wanted to shout to them...but there is so much...

I think I am using my new interest in Buddhism/Humanism/Whateverism as a sort of re-bound boyfriend. I wonder if I can make the ex-boyfriend. (Adventism/God/Jesus) jealous so he will fight to get me back. So far the ex hasn't put up much of a fight. I haven't stopped going to church. I try and make it to my hubby's Sabbath school when I can. (still helping out in Kindergarten II despite feeling like a total hypocrite sometimes...but they need the help, even if it's from an sort of agnostic, Buddhism leaning, Jesus loving/distrusting, mixed-up girl like me. I mean, some one has to help the kids glue those crafts together. The faithful are not volunteering in droves) I have listened to some Christian sermons and prayed occasionally but most of what I learn and hear reaffirms my drifting away. Sermons that are meant to bolster the faith just leave me suspicious of Christian pressure tactics. Still I know I haven't given Christianity a fair shake yet. I think the...