Where is the Jealous Ex?

I think I am using my new interest in Buddhism/Humanism/Whateverism as a sort of re-bound boyfriend. I wonder if I can make the ex-boyfriend. (Adventism/God/Jesus) jealous so he will fight to get me back. So far the ex hasn't put up much of a fight. I haven't stopped going to church. I try and make it to my hubby's Sabbath school when I can. (still helping out in Kindergarten II despite feeling like a total hypocrite sometimes...but they need the help, even if it's from an sort of agnostic, Buddhism leaning, Jesus loving/distrusting, mixed-up girl like me. I mean, some one has to help the kids glue those crafts together. The faithful are not volunteering in droves) I have listened to some Christian sermons and prayed occasionally but most of what I learn and hear reaffirms my drifting away. Sermons that are meant to bolster the faith just leave me suspicious of Christian pressure tactics. Still I know I haven't given Christianity a fair shake yet. I think the novelty of being a half-ventist, non-believer or Buddhist is what is really appealing to me right now. I find it similar to the novelty of owning a new dress, or getting new hair-style. That is not to say that I don't have some major problems with the Christian perspective I inherited ,because I do, but I am also just really intrigued by the idea of a spiritual "lifestyle" change. Shallow, I know, but what can I do? Blindly repent and go running back to the old boyfriend, begging him in tears to take me back, when I don't know why I was even with him in the first place? I hope not.

Comments

Leslie Foster said…
You....have given me a whole lot to digest. Good to have you back on the interwub.
June 7, 2007 at 7:14 PM
Anonymous said…
Do not take this comment as any sort of bigotry. That is not at all how it is meant. I am simply probing and attempting to challenge you on this spiritual journey. In your spiritual exploration have you allowed God to have a chance to speak to you through His word and the Holy Spirit?

I find as well that Christianity is quite frustrating, shallow, etc when reduced to sermons and Christian literature. I only find joy/understanding/contentment, when I search for the source, truly. When depending upon other humans for this spiritual contentment, I find myself weak and dry.

Just a thought - take it or leave it.
June 8, 2007 at 4:42 AM
Rob Mosher said…
I'm guessing part of the appeal to Buddhism is that you've had to work for it and discover things for yourself as there is no one else you can turn to. But with Christianity you have the luxury of just sitting back and listening to sermons. Have you tried that same personal search and study with the Bible as with Buddhism? Would you entrust your faith to the pharisees, the pope, or Benny Hinn? Then why entrust it to your pastor?

"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.
It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes."
Psalm 118:8,9
June 8, 2007 at 1:59 PM
Ann said…
To Rob and anonymous (come on, leave your name. I won't bite)

I have had a time in my life where I was very committed to searching the scriptures and listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

But I am currently bereft of a way to approach those things again.

Many people claim to hear from the Holy Spirit, and they all say conflicting things.

Many people search the scriptures for themselves and they all come to different conclusions.

I have been at that place where I thought I knew what God was trying to tell me, but how can I know what was emotion/conditioning/imagination etc.
June 9, 2007 at 7:44 PM
Anonymous said…
About your last comment, Ann, I know what you mean. On one project I've been working on, I've heard around 200 of the top 400 "Praise and Worship" songs in the last 6 months. I've remarked to several people that it's almost been enough to convince me that this whole christianity thing is made up, a great social example of mass delusion or something. But then I get around someone like John Michael Talbot or Steve Green or some guys at my church, or listen to the music of people like Andy Peterson or Sara Groves, and I can't put them in the same category.
So what do y
June 9, 2007 at 8:32 PM
Anonymous said…
that last comment posted before I was finished with it

So what do you do? For one, I do think that you wrestle with these things in community, not on your own. I picked up Blue Like Jazz again last night, and read one of Don's chapters about why he/we need friends, why we're not made to live on our own in isolation. So I think this is a good step. I'm glad you started this blog.
June 9, 2007 at 8:36 PM
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