Where is the Jealous Ex?
I think I am using my new interest in Buddhism/Humanism/Whateverism as a sort of re-bound boyfriend. I wonder if I can make the ex-boyfriend. (Adventism/God/Jesus) jealous so he will fight to get me back. So far the ex hasn't put up much of a fight. I haven't stopped going to church. I try and make it to my hubby's Sabbath school when I can. (still helping out in Kindergarten II despite feeling like a total hypocrite sometimes...but they need the help, even if it's from an sort of agnostic, Buddhism leaning, Jesus loving/distrusting, mixed-up girl like me. I mean, some one has to help the kids glue those crafts together. The faithful are not volunteering in droves) I have listened to some Christian sermons and prayed occasionally but most of what I learn and hear reaffirms my drifting away. Sermons that are meant to bolster the faith just leave me suspicious of Christian pressure tactics. Still I know I haven't given Christianity a fair shake yet. I think the novelty of being a half-ventist, non-believer or Buddhist is what is really appealing to me right now. I find it similar to the novelty of owning a new dress, or getting new hair-style. That is not to say that I don't have some major problems with the Christian perspective I inherited ,because I do, but I am also just really intrigued by the idea of a spiritual "lifestyle" change. Shallow, I know, but what can I do? Blindly repent and go running back to the old boyfriend, begging him in tears to take me back, when I don't know why I was even with him in the first place? I hope not.
Comments
I find as well that Christianity is quite frustrating, shallow, etc when reduced to sermons and Christian literature. I only find joy/understanding/contentment, when I search for the source, truly. When depending upon other humans for this spiritual contentment, I find myself weak and dry.
Just a thought - take it or leave it.
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.
It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes."
Psalm 118:8,9
I have had a time in my life where I was very committed to searching the scriptures and listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit.
But I am currently bereft of a way to approach those things again.
Many people claim to hear from the Holy Spirit, and they all say conflicting things.
Many people search the scriptures for themselves and they all come to different conclusions.
I have been at that place where I thought I knew what God was trying to tell me, but how can I know what was emotion/conditioning/imagination etc.
So what do y
So what do you do? For one, I do think that you wrestle with these things in community, not on your own. I picked up Blue Like Jazz again last night, and read one of Don's chapters about why he/we need friends, why we're not made to live on our own in isolation. So I think this is a good step. I'm glad you started this blog.