Distance

I haven't read the Bible for a while now. Now I know some people might say that is my downfall, that if I had just kept reading the Bible I would still be a faithful Christian now. I don't doubt it. I would probably still be a Christian in some sense of the word, more so than I am now anyways. But I wonder, would it just be because I continued to reinforce my childhood conditioning. This may seem unjust, but if I kept up the practices (prayer/Bible reading) and pushed aside doubt when it arose, couldn't I just be brainwashing myself day in and day out.

I will probably pick up the Bible again. I do need to know what it has to say, but I need to see it with fresh eyes. I did take a lot of joy from the Bible once. I found so much that was hopeful, joyfull and wonderful. I also found much to torture myself with. I have always had a bit of a guilt complex, and really only since stepping away from the Bible have I gained some rational sense of my own guilt.

I don't plan to read as a skeptic, picking it apart for every little flaw and loophole, nor do I plan to read as if every word was gold. I want to read it to see what it really has to say, not what others say it says, not what my guilt complex makes it say.

I am not sure if I am at the point where I have enough distance yet, and I am not sure how to begin when I do read it. I guess we figure these things out as we go.

Comments

Michael Hafner said…
Hey Ann! I just found this new blog of yours. It's very interesting because I'm kind of going through the same things as you. I guess I see myself as agnostic. It would be so much easier to just go along with the crowd and and accept what I've been taught. I don't go to church because a lot of times it seems that the speakers don't research anything they are saying, they just repeat it because the story has a good moral or something. I don't read the bible because I see so many problems with it. I can't get past those to see the good things. Recently I've decided to try going back to church (today in fact). I don't know. If my current thinking is right I really shouldn't waste my time there because life is ticking and if there's nothing else after it I better make the the most of what I have now. The 'fan club" takes a twist and now I'm a fan of you and your ability to speak openly about such things ;)
June 16, 2007 at 6:27 AM
Ann said…
Hey Mike,
Thanks for your response. I think a lot of people are in an agnostic or halfventist stage right now. It's good to know we are not alone. I know what you mean about going to church. I really want to drag our pastor of the pulpit and shake him. I want to ask "What do you really mean by this?" and "Do you realize what you are actually implying?"
A lot of pastors say things that sound "nice" but if you take them to their logical end it doesn't make as much sense.
I would recommend finding a good open Sabbath School rather than doing the sermon route. The Sabbath school Will and I go to is good because there are a lot of cantakerous folks who are not afraid to ask difficult questions.
Even if I don't find my way back to the church I think I will have spent my time more meaningfully if I am in a community of caring thoughtful people, rather than just listening to a sermon week after week hoping to get some snippet of truth.
Good luck as you try to figure things out. Keep me posted on your journey.
June 16, 2007 at 7:45 AM
Unknown said…
Ann I feel that way about reading the Bible too. Sometimes I share promises with Jeff that I have learned over the years to give him hope. But when I read it for myself I tend to see it through my mother's/"Ellen White's" condeming eyes.
Thank you for writing these blogs. It helps me feel like I am not alone too.
Luv Ya
V
June 18, 2007 at 12:28 AM
Anonymous said…
Amazing how applicable your blog is to my own life right now.


Joshua
June 24, 2007 at 12:02 PM
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