The real God

I can't ever believe in the God I once thought I knew. It was a God shaped by my own guilt complexes and conditioning. A God who claimed to offer grace but only gave out impossible rules to follow.

But I am trying to see if a real God is out there. What would that God look like? How would I know if I found Him/Her? What role would that God serve in my life, and what role would I serve in that God's plans.

I really have no answer to these questions right now. But I am keeping myself connected to God seeking communities and staying open.

One of my biggest obstacles is that I am still clinging to resentment and fear. I am fearful of what my "Old God" will do to me for leaving him. I am resentful because of all the harmful ways of thinking I was taught and admittedly self-taught.

If I am going to move forward I need to stop whining about my past. If you see me complaining about how unfair "God" is or how annoying Adventists are on this blog again I want you stop me. I am not saying I don't have some legitimate concerns, but I been wallowing in those concerns for too long.

I want to grow, not complain about what is keeping me from growing.

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