What convicts you?

I've been on hiatus from deep thinking. It was becoming to much to handle. Even though I believe its impossible to be absolutely sure of anything, my Adventist mentality still tells me it's possible to have THE TRUTH. So my brain was rocketing back and forth between belief systems, trying to make something stick, but realizing that every belief system is full of flaws. A recent death in the family helped propel my need to stop thinking. It was getting to much to handle and I just had to let things be for awhile. I watched sappy Korean dramas and avoided spirituality. After awhile though, it turned from avoidance into good old depression.
Thankfully it was free from panic attacks and rabid self destructive hate. I just sort of didn't do anything for a few days.

Coming back to life now, but still unsure of anything. I guess it is going to have to be that way for awhile. Yet is still bothers me that so many people claim to know the TRUTH, know God, have the answers.

For me, if I decide to cling to a faith, it will be with no certainty. I will just be making a choice to cling, despite doubt.

My question for my readers is...What convicts you?
If you are not convicted, why do you follow your belief system. Why do you believe what you believe?

To tell the truth I am hoping someone will just state their reasons so clearly as to sweep away all my doubt. Wouldn't that be nice? But I know most of you have your areas of uncertainty too. But still I'd like to know why you believe what you do. How do you deal with your doubts. Whatever your belief system is, why do you keep it? Or if you are searching like me, how do you handle not knowing anything for sure?

If you want post here, or through myspace or e-mail that's fine. I look forward to your responses.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Ann, I'll try to come back to this later, but for now here's a quote that I posted on my blog a couple days ago that Jeffrey Overstreet put on his blog on Saturday, from Flannery O'Conner. It describes the kind of writer I like to read now:
"The Christian writer does not decide what would be good for the world and proceed to deliver it. Like a very doubtful Jacob, he confronts what stands in his path and wonders if he will come out of the struggle at all.”
January 22, 2008 at 9:45 PM
The Absent-minded Chemist said…
I really haven't felt convicted in a long time. I guess I am burned out on religion. I am going to a small group every Fri. night, kinda to get back into religion and such.
I suppose my lack of caring/conviction in regards to religion happened when Rashell did what she did...
It's not that I blame God--well at least not directly. Maybe I really do somewhere in my heart. I know I believe in Him and want to follow His teachings. But I don't seem to be putting forth the effort. One could argue that since I don't follow through with my beliefs, they are really not beliefs at all; instead my beliefs are what I really practice every day--which isn't always very christian.

I don't think you will ever find your panacea for religion. Nothing anyone tells you will be able to clear all doubts you have. Of course you know this...Doubt is actually healthy. It means one is capable of independent thought, and analyzing what is really going on.

Why do I follow my faux-belief system?
Probably because I am stubborn to change. I know this system/religion, and I don't want to go find something new. Another reason is that I do feel it is the right path (even if I don't agree with the precepts of the SDA church).

I am certainly not following blindly. I've become aware of several different things that bother me about religion in general. Things that are assumed, but not explained - possibly things that were explained to our grandparents, but they dropped the ball. Who knows. Right now I don't have any specific things to cite that fall in this category, but its just small things that come to my mind from time to time.


Anyway, I think I am rambling. Maybe something I said will click with you, maybe not. Maybe you have something to tell me that I need to hear.

In the meantime, I hope you and Will have a relaxing restful weekend.
January 25, 2008 at 11:27 PM
Ann said…
Stephen: Thanks for that quote, I had already seen it on your blog but I didn't apply it to my situation until now.

Josh: I really appreciate your response. You are right, I am not going to find a panacea, that is just wishful thinking. Flag me down if you are on-line again. I'd love to talk to you.
January 26, 2008 at 6:37 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Eating SDA Style

(This is an essay I wrote for part of a Cultural Memoir Assignment) One former Adventist friend of mine always says, “It was the table that fed me” in referring to our shared Seventh-day Adventist background. My friend was referring to the morals, values and spirituality of Seventh-day Adventism that we still hold onto, even though we disagree with the Church in many ways. I, however, can’t help but think of feeding in the literal sense. Seventh-day Adventism did truely feed us, but in very unusual ways. Seventh-day Adventists have something they refer to as the “Health Message.” Just like the Mormons we have our very own prophet, only she was a woman and not a polygamist. Ellen White encouraged healthy living and vegetarianism in the Seventh-day Adventist church. In many ways this has been a blessing to the church. Adventists who follow the health message are some of the longest living folks in the nation. On the other hand it has brought a spirit of legalistic infighting ove
Read more

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire

On June 15 I got a letter in the mail stating that my name had officially been removed from the membership rolls of the Seventh-Day Adventist church per my request. It was a nice form letter, very respectful of my choice, and I give the church kudos for it. So, just a few short days latter the General Conference of Seventh-Day Adventists rolled into my town, and so did many friends and family members, some from ages past. Of course I had to go to the GC. You don't often get the chance to catch up with so many people from various stages of your life. That part was wonderful. The exhibit hall was wonderful too, with lots of color and sound and pretty display booths, many which were promoting amazing things like health outreach, ministry to the poor (Go ADRA!!) and general "light unto the world" kind of stuff. I went to the first weekend's Sabbath service with a family member who was staying with us. The Sabbath School was fairly uplifting and it reminded us to re
Read more

Dogs Become Street Stoics

I had a bizarre dream last night in which the phrase "Dogs become street stoics" appeared. Seems prophetic, no? Okay, so I really have no idea what that phrase means. I doubt it means much at all, just random brain twitching during sleep. Another part of my dream did have some events worth considering. Often the issues I am wrestling with, or have wrestled with appear in my dreams. I have dreams about high school insecurity, job fears, friendship and family issues. I still dream about massive fights with my mother even though we haven't really fought for several years. One common dream I was having was the "heaven/salvation" dream in which the end times were upon me and I managed to get saved. I was never "lost" in any of my end time dreams. It should be noted that I have a great deal of will power when it comes to dreaming. I rarely have nightmares, and when something bad does happen in my dreams I can usually work my way out of it. Often i
Read more