Communion Again
Well I had my first taste of wine a couple of weeks ago. Granted it happened at a communion service, so I don't think it counts for much. We visited a small church which meets in the back of a coffee shop and took communion with them. Shortly before we took communion it occurred to me that not all Christians use Welches Grape Juice at communion. Most/Many? use real wine. So I dipped my bread in sparingly. I was really giggly afterwards but I think it was because I was so amused to have finally tasted wine after 29 years.
I was talking with a friend recently, comparing spiritual notes. I told my friend I had not been praying to Jesus to save me, even when I felt the emotional pressure to do so. But afterwards when I was telling another friend about tasting wine, I realized I might be a bit of a hypocrite. If I am taking communion, isn't that the same as asking Jesus to save me? I have been very resistant to "fall into the arms of Jesus", pray the sinners prayer, get saved etc. I've told myself that if I am ever going to be a full "Christian" again, I am going to have to have a very good reason to do so.
But I continue to play Christian a lot. I've told myself that a lot of Christian practice is beneficial, and it is. I enjoy the community, I get involved in ministry (i.e. homeless feeding, habitat for humanity etc) I pray sometimes now, but only with others. I enjoy singing at Church, though I don't always connect with the lyrics. I also take communion when offered.
I've told myself I am trying to glean whatever Christianity has left for me. I've told myself that by taking communion I am just making myself available if God has something to say.
But...part of me is doing these "Christian" things, is not to search out God, or to grow as a person, but is just a way of hiding and belonging. I have been fairly open and honest on this blog and with some friends about my thinking. Both of my pastors know that I am struggling...but I am I not totally honest.
A agnostic friend of mine came to our church and when a Church member asked him if enjoyed the service he said simply "No" For me it easier to pretend a little bit with people. However I have been honest with several church members who I am closer to. I just don't feel the need to stand out in a crowd of those less familiar.
The church I had my "wine" at was the kind of community where I could have skipped communion and no one would have judged me, but still I partook. I wonder if I could have had more meaningful conversations with people afterwards if I hadn't taken communion? I wonder what part of me was taking communion to remain open to God, and what part was taking it to fit in.
I was talking with a friend recently, comparing spiritual notes. I told my friend I had not been praying to Jesus to save me, even when I felt the emotional pressure to do so. But afterwards when I was telling another friend about tasting wine, I realized I might be a bit of a hypocrite. If I am taking communion, isn't that the same as asking Jesus to save me? I have been very resistant to "fall into the arms of Jesus", pray the sinners prayer, get saved etc. I've told myself that if I am ever going to be a full "Christian" again, I am going to have to have a very good reason to do so.
But I continue to play Christian a lot. I've told myself that a lot of Christian practice is beneficial, and it is. I enjoy the community, I get involved in ministry (i.e. homeless feeding, habitat for humanity etc) I pray sometimes now, but only with others. I enjoy singing at Church, though I don't always connect with the lyrics. I also take communion when offered.
I've told myself I am trying to glean whatever Christianity has left for me. I've told myself that by taking communion I am just making myself available if God has something to say.
But...part of me is doing these "Christian" things, is not to search out God, or to grow as a person, but is just a way of hiding and belonging. I have been fairly open and honest on this blog and with some friends about my thinking. Both of my pastors know that I am struggling...but I am I not totally honest.
A agnostic friend of mine came to our church and when a Church member asked him if enjoyed the service he said simply "No" For me it easier to pretend a little bit with people. However I have been honest with several church members who I am closer to. I just don't feel the need to stand out in a crowd of those less familiar.
The church I had my "wine" at was the kind of community where I could have skipped communion and no one would have judged me, but still I partook. I wonder if I could have had more meaningful conversations with people afterwards if I hadn't taken communion? I wonder what part of me was taking communion to remain open to God, and what part was taking it to fit in.
Comments
At the final meeting of my "Consumed" group (the all church journey we do every year), I suggested we do Communion as it was on Good Friday. And while Easter this year was almost a month ahead of Passover, I felt a need for Communion myself.
The rest of the group members really welcomed the idea.
I provided homemade unleavened bread (it was not Jewish matzo, just a simple concoction I made from whole wheat flour, olive oil, salt, honey, and sesame seeds ) and a nice (non-Welch's) pure grape juice at Meijer. My bread is not the dry crackery stuff we "grew up on" in our youth.
As a nice, unexpected touch, the home hostess was able to furnish a pretty glass tray for the bread and little crystal goblet-like glasses for the wine, one of those "this was meant to be moments" for me.
I read from the Bible about the symbolism of the unleavened bread and the unfermented wine as it tied to the Passover and had everyone serve each other (a cherished tradition from my hometown church).
The members in my group really said it was a meaningful experience, and one person said I was a good teacher.
The Communion you described is quite similar to the way it is done at Crossroads (there is a choice of grape juice or "real" wine, what my dad might call the differentiation as "regular or unleaded").
I like the thought that we can commune with Jesus regardless of where we are/aren't doing with Him. I take Paul's words about communion seriously, but I also don't want to take it so seriously that we "fence" it.
You do remind me of the need to provide, as nuttynuthatch said "unleaded and leaded". But I hope that the surprise speaks into your spiritual life. I'm always amazed at the peculiar ways that I have seen and heard God in the mundane and in the supposedly "religious".