Faith and Mental Illness.

I left the church for a number of reasons, but I think the strongest reason I left was the realization that religious thinking was only fueling my problems with depression and anxiety. I'm not blaming the church for causing my depression and anxiety. I know now that the chemicals in my brain just work a little strangely which leads to bouts of depression, panic attacks and self-hatred. I found some relief in Buddhist meditation, which showed me that the SDA church did not have all the answers. Later therapy and medication helped me gain more ground against these messed up feelings. I applaud the SDA church for spreading the health message, because exercise and healthy eating are two important tools in combating depression. I also applaud a pastor in the church who encouraged me too seek the help of a mental health specialist. However, overall the message I got from the church was that I was a miserable sinner, and only prayer and God's grace would save me. For a long time I saw my mental health problems as a justifiable result of guilt. However, no matter how much I prayed and repented, I never felt grace. I also felt condemned, and punished by God. I said before that God is sometimes the name we give to our own mental suffering. For me it was impossible to separate the two.

 Sometimes I feel that Christians think they are the only people with a testimony, with a salvation story, but I have one too. I was saved by meditation and medication, by the grace I finally gave myself and by the love of understanding family and friends. I'm not denying the testimony of my Christian friends. It works for some people to believe in a God that is going to save them. It did not work for me.

 I guess I still have the heart of a missionary. I see many people who are still clinging to prayer, God and the church to save them from mental illness. I want to reach out to them and tell them that they can find relief from the patterns that make them suffer over and over again. I know that some people have been able to stay within the church and find freedom from mental illness, but for others the teachings of sin and punishment are only fueling the fire.

 To those still in the church, please recognize that those who are continually struggle with the same "sins" over and over again don't need prayer as much as they need therapy and in some cases medication. For those suffering, please recognize that you are not alone. I've recently started opening up to people about my own struggles with anxiety and depression and have found that I am far from alone. The stigma that surrounds mental illness needs to be torn down so people won't be afraid to seek help.

 For my friends still in the church a question, what do you think I am missing out on, because I did not include God as a part of my healing process?

 For my friends who have left the church, what have been your experiences in personal growth and healing since leaving the church?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Ann, it's so good to read your story! Thank you for sharing it! I think medications and meditations are part of the "God - solution". It's sad that some have shrunk God and "allowed" Him to be only within certain parameters. You rock!!!
May 13, 2012 at 12:46 PM
Noah said…
After leaving the church, I felt better able to take my problems to God, and Him alone, without the church/religion/human element standing in the way. I could make choices according to my own convictions. My life is not perfect, but I am 100% happier than trying to live someone else's life.
May 13, 2012 at 5:44 PM
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