Fearless Wonder

So I just made it through a 15 minute Mindfullness of Breathing mediation. Just when I was about to break down and check how long I had been meditating the timer I'd set went off and I was SO HAPPY! Proud of myself for making it and glad to be done with it. I do plan on waking up tomorrow morning and doing it all over again. I am not sure if it will get easier or harder. I am glad for anything that improves my self discipline though. Yes, somtimes I like claim that all my problems come from fear...but that is not true. A good portion of my problems are from lack of self discipline and abiltiy to see things through. I think mediation is going to help me with this. Why look, after just 15 mintues of meditation I am actually finishing a blog entry. You have no idea how many I start or just think of but never see through to completion. Well off to try and use my new powers of self discipline on the dishes. Bye for now.

I heard it said...somewhere...I don't remember where, that a big mistake people make when comparing their own religion to another religion is that they compare the best of their religion with the worst of the other religion. To be truly fair one should compare best with best and worst with worst. I am sort of doing the opposite with my study of Buddhism. Christian, SDA is my religious background, but I tend towards comparing SDA's worst with Buddhisms best. This is probably because I haven't been giving my own faith background a fair shake. I am not really bitter against my background. I have had mainly positive experiences in the church, but I see a lot of things lacking and I see a lot of teachings which haven't been backed up properly by church authorities. Although I love SDA people I have become pretty disillusioned with their way of presenting the "TRUTH" and find it very shallow. So when I study Buddhism, I tend to compare it to shallow SDA pre...

I think I am still a practicing Christian. I pray, and go to church and even volunteer at my church. I am even speaking for an adult Sabbath School class next week...but am I am believing Christian? That is what I am still trying to figure out. I am also practicing a couple of elements of Buddhism right now. These are things that harmonize pretty well with the Christian faith. You might even be able to find counterparts within Christianity but I got the ideas from my studies of Buddhism. Maybe it takes a different perspective before you can really grasp onto something. The way the Buddhists explained things just made more sense, even though I probably could have gotten the same basic ideas from Christianity. Anyways...event though I am practicing elements of Buddhism I am not a believer in Buddhism. For me all belief is really up in the air. I am not sure what think is true and what to put my faith in. I continue to practice though, because I continue to hope that the answers...

So on the external view, here is what my religious life looks like... Raised by not very conservative, yet practicing, Seventh-day Adventist parents Baptized into the SDA church at a young age Attended SDA Highschool and College Missionary for 1 year in Korea with SDA Language Institute Worked at Trinity Broadcasting Network for 2 year...influenced somewhat by that perspective Currently teaching at a Jewish Pre-School...enjoying the rituals of Shabbat but haven't studied much Jewish thought Still attending SDA Church...and teaching from time to time in a Kindergarten Sabbath School, after being the main leader for a couple of years and now studying Buddhism... Makes sense doesn't it? No? I don't entirely understand it either. But as I said that was just an external overview of my religious life. It's a little harder to mine the real reasons for my beliefs, or lack there of...

Want to join a religion? Why it's as easy as ABC! Allah...Buddha...Christ...ABC! hmmm...I think I could waste a good few hours coming up with a religious alphabet. This will not be one of my deepest posts...but here I go. I am going to try and come up with the words on my own. No wikipedia or beliefnet for me. A llah B uddha C hrist D harma, D ogma E llen White, E vangelical F aith G uru H indu I saiah J ainism, J esus, J ehovah, J ew K harma L ord, L eviticus, L amentations M editation, M ass N irvana, N un O mnipotent P rayer, P ope Q uakers R eligion, R astifarian S alvation T rinity U nitarian U niversalist V enerable, V ision W inter Solstice, W eslyan X odohtro (ok this is Orthodo x backward but I can't think of an X ) Y aweh Z orastrian

I chose the title "Fearless Wonder" because that is what i dream of becoming. Fear is what is keeping me from all the wonderful things I think of doing. Yes, I realize that "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom." ...but that is just the beginning. Perfect love casts out fear after all. I have spent a lot of my life fearing what God will do to me if I don't act right. Not that this fear has ever gotten me to act right for long though. I only started acting "right" when I started really loving myself and others. Right now, as look at various spiritual paths I could take, my main thought is "How could this help me be free from fear. How could this help me live in love." I don't know the answers yet, but I am hoping.

So far it seems the main difference between Buddhism and Christianity is Buddhism says "You can." Christianity says "You can't...without God." Many of the practices and moral behaviors are the same.