Heavy heart
I have had a lot of my mind and heart the last two weeks. So much that I kind of lost interest in understanding why people drink. (For the record I am still "non-alcoholic")
A lot of troubling issues have come up recently, and I started getting a bit depressed. I practiced breathing, mindfulness and meditation. I opened the door of my heart to myself. I worked hard to think reasonably about the situations. These things helped to keep me from a downward spiral, from the kind of breakdowns I have had in the past, but still the sadness traveled with me.
The Buddhists talk about breathing kind energy to the places that are hurting you. When I try and fight so hard against negative thinking it usually gets a lot worse. Instead of fighting and getting angry at myself for negative thoughts I practiced sending kindness to those bitter, worried, anxious, and negative parts of my brain. This helped a lot. But still the sadness traveled with me.
And finally I realized it was alright. The sadness could travel with me. It will always be a companion on my journey. There are terrible things in this life, and to not be sad about them is inhuman.
I listened to a Speaking of Faith episode on depression. A man suffering from depression was told something like "You see depression as an enemy you have to fight against. Why can't you see it as something pushing you to ground where you can stand."
For me sadness has lead to pilling up worries, then panic attacks, depression, guilt, self doubt and self hate.
Sadness is finally coming into perspective for me now. I am learning how to be sad about something without being immobilized. The guilt, self hate, worry, and fear are what kept me attached to misery. Sadness by itself teaches me compassion. When I feel guilty that people are suffering across the globe I do nothing. When I am saddened by it, I feel compassion and do something. Love and hope also are part of compassion, but it is hard for me to feeling loving and hopeful when crushed by anxiety and worry. Allowing myself feel sad without all the extra baggage is an important skill for me. Wish me luck on my journey with sadness.
A lot of troubling issues have come up recently, and I started getting a bit depressed. I practiced breathing, mindfulness and meditation. I opened the door of my heart to myself. I worked hard to think reasonably about the situations. These things helped to keep me from a downward spiral, from the kind of breakdowns I have had in the past, but still the sadness traveled with me.
The Buddhists talk about breathing kind energy to the places that are hurting you. When I try and fight so hard against negative thinking it usually gets a lot worse. Instead of fighting and getting angry at myself for negative thoughts I practiced sending kindness to those bitter, worried, anxious, and negative parts of my brain. This helped a lot. But still the sadness traveled with me.
And finally I realized it was alright. The sadness could travel with me. It will always be a companion on my journey. There are terrible things in this life, and to not be sad about them is inhuman.
I listened to a Speaking of Faith episode on depression. A man suffering from depression was told something like "You see depression as an enemy you have to fight against. Why can't you see it as something pushing you to ground where you can stand."
For me sadness has lead to pilling up worries, then panic attacks, depression, guilt, self doubt and self hate.
Sadness is finally coming into perspective for me now. I am learning how to be sad about something without being immobilized. The guilt, self hate, worry, and fear are what kept me attached to misery. Sadness by itself teaches me compassion. When I feel guilty that people are suffering across the globe I do nothing. When I am saddened by it, I feel compassion and do something. Love and hope also are part of compassion, but it is hard for me to feeling loving and hopeful when crushed by anxiety and worry. Allowing myself feel sad without all the extra baggage is an important skill for me. Wish me luck on my journey with sadness.
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P.S.
Alas, I couldn't get the 20th off, but I get off at 3pm. So will have the afternoon and evening... sorry. But many people are going on vacation because its so close to the holidays and basically they said they couldn't let me go because we are so short-handed.
Sallyo
http://reinventingsdawheel.blogspot.com/